Here’s a Bunch of Things About Vaginas That I Didn’t Know Before Today

Posted: April 28 @ 2:00pm by scrody in Bolivian
Tags: , , ,

So, I saw this post on some chick blog about schlong holsters and came across some useful information about the ‘ol pastrami flaps that I figured I’d pass along. My comments are in bold.

A few things you may not know about the female genitalia.

  1. Pubic hair is not just a (blah, blah, blah… edited for boringness) So you might think twice before you shave it all off. It’s there for a reason. Embrace it. Yeah, definitely keep it…. if you never want anyone munching on your taco ever again. 
  2. There are 8000 nerve endings in the clitoris, dedicated exclusively to female pleasure. The penis only has 4000. Who says God didn’t take care of us girls? 4,000 nerve endings is plenty. Could you imagine how obsessed we’d be with getting laid if it felt twice as good as it already does? Entire civilizations would literally collapse because all of the men would be running around trying to get their boners wet instead of running shit. Sounds great and all, but no thanks.
  3. The average vagina is 3-4 inches long, but fear not if your guy is hung like a horse. The vagina can expand by 200% when sexually aroused, kind of like a balloon. I was never really worried about this one. 3-4 inches is plenty.
  4. The vagina doesn’t connect to the lung. While the vagina can expand, it’s not an open conduit to the abdominal cavity. While microscopic sperm can swim through a tiny hole in the cervix, a tampon simply won’t fit. So if you lose something in there, don’t worry. Reach in all the way and pull it out. I bet that’s where I left my keys.
  5. Yes, it’s true — your vagina can fall out. Ew, gross. I can’t finish this one. I just threw up in my mouth.
  6. Vaginas have something in common with sharks. Both contain squalene, a substance that exists in both shark livers and natural vaginal lubricant. Google: Vagina Dentata and click on images.
  7. You can catch sexually transmitted diseases even if you use a condom. Sorry to break it to you, but the skin of the vulva can still touch infectious skin of the scrotum — and BAM! Warts. Herpes. Molluscum contagiosum. Pubic lice. Welp, that settles that. Condoms are useless. No need for them.
  8. The average length of the labia minora is less than ¾ inch long (yes, someone got out a ruler and measured 2981 women). Only 1.8% of women have labia longer than 1 ½ inches. But remember, every vulva is different and special. Some lips hang down. Some are tucked up neatly inside. Some are long. Some are short. Some are even. Some aren’t. All are beautiful. You’re perfect just the way you are. Unless you have meat curtains. Then you are far from perfect. You’re actually pretty nasty.
  9. While hair on your head can live up to seven years, pubic hair has a life expectancy of about three weeks, which is why it only grows so long. So don’t worry if you opt not to groom your pubes — you won’t need to braid them any time soon. See number 1.
  10. The word “vagina” comes from the Latin root meaning “sheath for a sword,” This is a joke, right? Didn’t Ron Burgandy make this up? Regardless, it’s perfect.
  11. Safe sex (or even just orgasm alone) is good for you. Benefits include lowering your risk of heart disease and stroke, reducing your risk of breast cancer, bolstering your immune system, helping you sleep, making you appear more youthful, improving your fitness, regulating menstrual cycles, relieving menstrual cramps, helping with chronic pain, reducing the risk of depression, lowering stress levels, and improving self esteem. So go at it, girlfriends! Yes! go at it indeed! Guys, you may want to print this one out and carry it around with you. Show it to any dime-pieces you come in contact with. It can only help your chances.

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