[Smoking Gun] An Oklahoma woman arrested Monday on drug charges had a loaded handgun hidden in her vagina. The weapon was discovered during a search of Christie Dawn Harris, 28, by a female officer with the Ada Police Department. According to a police report, the cop spotted the handle of the five-shot revolver “sticking out from” inside Harris. In a less shocking find, investigators also discovered plastic baggies containing methamphetamine lodged in the crack of Harris’s buttocks. The Freedom Arms .22-caliber handgun was loaded with three live rounds and one spent shell. As to where the weapon was recovered, the police report noted, “gun located in suspect vagina.” At around 3:45 AM Monday, cops spotted Harris and another woman, Jennifer Delancy, inside a vehicle parked outside a closed restaurant. Asked by a cop if the car contained weapons or drugs, Harris, who was behind the wheel, answered that “she did not think there was anything.” But when a drug dog alerted to both the driver and passenger sides of the Toyota Yaris, cops searched the vehicle and found meth, drug paraphernalia, a pistol, and a loaded magazine. Harris and Delancy were then arrested. While being transported to jail, Harris “stated several times that she needed to go to the bathroom.” At the lockup, Harris was directed to change out of her clothes into “jail clothing.” When directed to lower her underwear so that a female cop could check for contraband, Harris “advised that she was on her period and did not want to.” Harris eventually complied with the cop’s order. “I observed at that time a wooden and metal item sticking out from her vagina area,” reported Officer Kathy Unbewust, who added that she “pulled the item from her vagina, and found it to be a 5 shot revolver with rounds in the chamber.”
I’ll give you one guess as to which item in the police photo below most closely resembles my dick:
Even if you’re not packing a bullet like me, most dicks are represented here via girthy cylinder or lengthy ejector rod. Yet Christie Dawn Harris had the whole kit and kaboodle jammed up her snizz as part of a DP sesh with meth in her ass, and that’s a little depressing. It gets way more depressing if Christie’s box is the standard. If all chicks can stash a gun in their gash, then any “sexual conqueror” wishful thinking is officially out the window. Doesn’t matter if the average dick size is 5″ or a foot. All the motion of the ocean in the world isn’t gonna help me get the job done. So I’m sorry I essentially masturbate with your pussies, ladies, but all the selfless effort I could muster isn’t gonna turn my dong into a Freedom Arms .22 caliber lethal weapon. I’ll always be Quick Draw McGraw, and justifiably so.