[Orlando] A man clad only in ripped underwear was arrested after breaking into an Ormond Beach home, police said. Charles Snowden, 41, was booked into the Volusia County jail in Daytona Beach on a charge of burglary of an occupied dwelling. Volusia County deputies said Snowden claimed he was looking for tennis balls when he was found loitering outside a woman’s home. Deputies were dispatched to the neighborhood after the Sheriff’s Office received a call at 7:16 a.m. Wednesday from a woman who lives on Woodcrest Drive. “I just woke up. There was a strange man walking in my house,” the woman told a dispatcher. “He’s walking down the street right now. He’s in underwear — ripped.” The woman told deputies that she awoke to the sound of an intruder coming through her sliding-glass doors before he rummaged through the silverware drawer in the kitchen, according to the Sheriff’s Office. Afraid to confront the man, the woman said she waited until the intruder walked out the front door and then called for help. The woman said she didn’t notice anything missing from her house. Deputies spotted Snowden, dressed only in a pair of boxer shorts, a few minutes later. Deputies said Snowden claimed that he had been visiting a resident in the area and was looking for tennis balls for his friend’s dog. He said he took his clothes off because he had gotten them wet while doing some pressure washing earlier in the day, according to deputies. Snowden, who appeared to be under the influence of an undetermined substance, denied being in the victim’s house, according to deputies.
This is one of those situations where, if Chuck would’ve just brought his buddy’s pooch with him, these broads wouldn’t have even noticed he and his ripped undies didn’t belong in the house. They’d be too busy immersed in puppy cuteness to give a shit about a little B & E. Criminals could probably get away with a lot more petty crimes if they just came armed with a dog. Actually, stealing a dog should be the precursor for the intended crime. It’s not gonna help overlook a murder or rape, but if you get jammed up in the middle of rummaging through someone’s silverware drawer in tattered boxers at 7am, the diversion of all diversions is saying you just found some poor pup wandering the streets and are just hoping to find his home. Of course it doesn’t make sense, but neither does people’s love for canines. Just about everyone will be blinded to your minor transgression by a lost dog crusade. If you find yourself burglarizing a cat person, well, your option to get off scott-free changes a bit.
Kill them. Nobody cares about creepy cat people and, quite frankly, the world is a better place without them.