Someone Help This Dude Find His Van So He Can Kidnap, Rape & Torture

Posted: August 2 @ 3:00pm by 610 in Bolivian

[CraigsList]  Please read my ad and let me know if you have any idea of its where abouts. 1986 Chevy Conversion Van lost/stolen from my shed in Antioch on Sunday.

DESCRIPTION: Dark Grey in color. The side and back rear windows were covered in silver duck tape, and sprayed over with black spray paint. I was planning on turning this into a bus for my church, that’s why the windows look like that. (people know me and would back me up on that. So I’m not worried about it.)

VERY PERSONAL and PRIVATE items inside
( 1 ) two sets of police-style handcuffs… very valuable. steel locks. I have the key, so you can’t use them anyway, I would really love to have these back for sentimentel reasons.

( 2 ) There might also be some old magazines too, but they aren’t mine. My neighbor asked me to store them inside of my van so his wife wouldn’t catch him looking at them. They are not mine, but I would like them back so he doesn’t get in any kind of trouble for looking at that sort of thing. We all sin, but god knows our heart! (corinthians 5-17)

**There are some home-made like VCR tapes too that aren’t mine. Believe me, I go to church all the time, and people who know me will tell you that I would NEVER look at stuff like that, but it would be real nice if I could just return them to their rightful owner so people don’t think I look at crap like that. God knows that I don’t and that’s what’s important. Please let me know if you have seen this vehicle!! This has really hurt my plans for the weekend. Any information would be appreciated! Please text me at 615-689-4458 with any tips to its whereabouts. Thanks, and God Bless. David

I kinda feel for this dude. I don’t know exactly what brush to paint David with, but it’s obviously of the serial killer/rapist/pedophile category. While I don’t condone any of those activities, I always believe that life is nothing without a hobby. Whether David finally accumulated all the tools necessary for his first conquest or this ’86 conversion van serves as his box of slides a la Dexter Morgan, his passion has been taken from him. We can all relate. Some people blow out their spine and, in a nanosecond, can never again play the sport they’ve dedicated their lives to. I guess, for chicks, they could…well…I dunno, get painful arthritis & be unable to crochet anymore or something. My point is, David is devastated. Without his steel cuffs, nudie mags & snuff film-filled crime scene on wheels he’s like the Eric LeGrand of human hunting. Unlike paralysis, though, we can give David his life back pretty easily. Someone, anyone, help this guy find his van. Whatever he does with it is of no concern to you…it’s God’s plan. If you’re with him when he finds it though, run.

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