Sorry But If I Run Over Some Random Dude On Accident I’m Gonna Need A Beer Too

Posted: July 25 @ 5:00pm by 610 in Bolivian

[Sun Sentinel]  At approximately 1:30 a.m. on Tuesday deputies responded to a report by a concerned citizen about a crash involving a pedestrian, according to a news release from the Polk County Sheriff’s Office. The body of a 51-year-old man was found lying in the middle of a dead end street with limited residential traffic near an undamaged bicycle. While waiting for law enforcement to arrive, a 1997 Honda driven Richard S. Schenfield, 21, approached the road. Shortly thereafter deputies arrived and interviewed Schenfield, who told them he had left his home a short time earlier to get cigarettes; Schenfield denied any knowledge of the crash. Deputies said they detected an odor of alcohol on Schenfield and suspected he may have been drunk. Deputies then recovered evidence indicating the involved vehicle may have had damage underneath the driver’s side front wheel. Authorities were able to link Schenfield’s car to the hit-and-run after a detailed inspection of the vehicle at the crime scene. Video surveillance obtained from a nearby Circle K showed Schenfield arriving in his Honda, getting out and looking back at the front of the vehicle before entering the store. Then, while in the store, Schenfield purchased an alcoholic beverage and walked back to his car, where he can be seen examining the front driver’s side as if looking for damage. Schenfield was arrested and charged with Leaving the Scene of a Traffic Crash with a Fatality and Failure to Obtain a Valid Florida Driver’s License.

I buy this dude’s story 100%.  Exactly how I would handle it.  Listen, if there’s even a chance I Donte Stallworth-ed someone, I gotta get my hands on a brew or two before I find out for sure whether it’s my last night as a free man or not.  No disrespect, dead guy, but most normal people tend to avoid diving into life-altering situations without a deep breath and some alcohol-aided preparation.  Quite frankly, you’re not important in this instance.  Either I didn’t hit you at all, or I killed you.  Taking a couple extra minutes to tack on an Olde E 40 to my cigarette run isn’t gonna change either of those outcomes.  Vehicular manslaughter is pretty mega.  If it were utopia and skipping my buzz could bring you back from your tire-treaded demise, I’d have pumped the brakes instead of racing to Circle K – but that’s not the world we I live in.  So I’m sorry that I’m not sorry for needing a few gulps of my liquid coping mechanism.

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Comments
  1. Cracker says:

    True story…a relative of mine (derelict cousin) once ran into a parked car while he was wasted, and I mean he SMASHED it up good, both cars were basically totaled afterwards. Well he chicken-scratches a drunken note with his name and phone number and leaves it on what was left of the windshield of the car he ran into. Then he leaves his car illegally parked on the side of the road with the hazard lights on and walks a block away, to a bar he frequents. Orders a couple drinks and pounds them before going back outside to find his car surrounded by cops. Long story short, they wanted to charge him with DUI and leaving the scene of an accident…in court they couldn’t prove he was drunk at the time of the crash and that he didn’t get drunk at the bar after it happened. His note proved he wasn’t trying to hit and run. All charges except for the at-fault collision were dropped…Moral of the story, in the words of Homer Simpson, “alcohol, the cause of, and solution to all of life’s problems”.

    • 610 says:

      That’s truly a phenomenal story. Reminds me of when I was drunk & coked up driving to work on New Year’s Day, fell asleep at the wheel, crashed, pulled over and saw this mom & dad had their 14 year-old son driving thinking no one would be on the roads. I laughed, got in my car, went to work and puked all over my desk. Good times…

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