Nom nom nom
[WFP] A Winnipeg man is recovering from his injuries after a black bear dragged him from an outhouse and attacked him, near Sioux Lookout, Ontario. The attack happened this past Saturday at 6 a.m. at a camping site on Crown land about 60 kilometers north of Sioux Lookout, in Dunbar Lake. Sgt. David Pinchin of OPP Sioux Lookout said the 65-year-old man and his 63-year-old friend were out camping in the area, when the 65-year-old man went to a wooden outhouse and left its door open. A black bear then dragged the man from the outhouse by his arm and shoulder, before biting him on the back of his head and neck. The bear also slashed at his arms, neck and head. The attack lasted about one minute. ”His friend heard all the commotion and the yelling and screaming,” said Pinchin. ”And his friend came back out and shot the bear and killed it.” The man’s friend shot the bear with a rifle, said Pinchin. The two then drove from Dunbar Lake back towards Sioux Lookout, to where there was cellphone service. The man then went to hospital for treatment. He also went to get a rabies shot, said Pinchin. ”He had puncture wounds to the back of his head and neck, and slash marks to his arms and back of the head,” he said. Pinchin said he would do “the exact same thing.” He said police have had a lot of calls about bears in the last couple weeks, but the animals were non-aggressive. ”I would fight back and if I had a firearm, I’d kill the bear,” he said. The man’s son told the Free Press it was a terrifying ordeal for his father. ”He was on the john… pulled right from the outhouse,” he said. ”The bear had him by the shoulder. He’s scratched up pretty bad.”
Yesterday, I had to take a huge shit. When I perched my cheeks on my throne, I reached into my pocket only to realize I left my iPhone on my desk. No Twitter, no Chess with Friends, no iB… just me and my excrements. Aside from that though, I bet getting eaten by a bear is the worst thing that can happen to you while trying to drop the Obamas off at The White House. Credit his friend though. If he were just a dumb, teenaged chick he’d probably waste his time texting his mom about the ordeal. Instead, he manned up and shot the bastard. The journalist in me has to know though… was he able to finish taking care of his business? Having to poo and not being able to has got to be one of the all time worst feelings in the world. If it were me, and I had to decide between bear chompers in my cranium or a stuffed up and bloated large intestine, I’m taking the gnawed off noggin every time. I’d just sit there and take my chances… no way I’m pinching off a partially pinched loaf.
