[Windsor Star] A men’s hockey league in Kingsville won back its arena privileges Tuesday after promising town council to keep its members in check. The town last month evicted the Sunday Morning Puck Shufflers after arena staff complained about players smoking and drinking in the dressing rooms after games. “The staff had had enough,” said Andrew Plancke, the town’s director of municipal services. Teams would refuse to leave the dressing rooms on time and some beer-fuelled players would become aggressive and belligerent. “Police have been called at various times,” Plancke added. Tuesday, six members of the Puck Shufflers attended a special meeting of council held in the middle of the work day to beg to get their ice time back. Led by convenor Cliff Arnew, the league promised to police any “questionable behavior” by its members. “We are looking for an opportunity to make things right,” Arnew told councillors, who responded by reinstating the league. Mayor Nelson Santos said town staff in February began documenting incidents involving the men’s leagues, including the condition of the dressing rooms after games. One “bottle count” found more than five cases of empties in one dressing room alone, Santos said. Staff also documented cigarette butts and other debris littering the dressing rooms after league play. Then last month, a player was seriously injured in a dressing-room incident. Town officials said they’ve been told the man was rough-housing after a game and tore his rectum falling onto a beer bottle.
I wouldn’t have given these motherfuckers the CHANCE to get their league reinstated. There’s only one rule for the cult of beer league hockey players to follow. It’s got nothing to do with brawling, smoking, drinking or even shoving an empty Pabst bottle up a teammate’s asshole & tearing his rectum. The sole commandment of beer league hockey is to clean your shit up. You want to pound 5 post-game cases? Chug away – just make sure those empties find their way into the back of someone’s pickup when you leave. If it’s a team rule where whoever loses a scrap has to be the target for a drunken game of Pin The Tail On The Donkey with a beer bottle, don’t hesitate to plug that starfish ’til the glass explodes & anal flesh shreds. But be sure to seal those wounds with some friction tape and don’t leave any glass/blood/shit shards lying around the locker room floor or your league will be cut quicker than you were from the Varsity hockey team…and deservedly so.
- thanks Goonan