I Think It’s Time I Went To Grad School. . .In Austria. . .Sex School

Posted: December 2 @ 11:00am by scrody in Bolivian
Tags: , , , ,

[iol] The world’s first international sex school has opened in Austria and claims it will teach students how to be better lovers, a report said. But far from being a cheap thrill, one term at the International Sex School in Vienna will cost pupils £1 400 (more than R18 000). According to orange news, Swedish-born headmistress Ylva-Maria Thompson says anyone over the age of 16 can enrol at what she describes as “the world’s first college of applied sexuality”. Students live in a mixed sex dormitory block where they’re expected to practise their homework. “Our core education is not theoretical, but very practical. The emphasis is on how to be a better lover,” the new school head added. “Sexual positions, caressing techniques, anatomical features. And we teach people hands on.” Raunchy adverts showing a couple making love have already been banned by Austrian TV, the report said “This is wrapped up in a very stylish way but it is just selling sex,” one protestor commented.

I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea here. As everyone knows, I’m a happily married man. I have no desire to fly out to central Europe just to bang some exotic young coeds with their sexy accents and tight bodies. Their pouty faces, sexual deviance and ability to talk dirty to me in a language I don’t even understand do absolutely nothing for me. All I’m trying to do is be a better husband, which means being a better lover. I’m sure this comes as a shock to most of you, but I have a lot of room for improvement in the sack… a lot. I mean, I’ve tried educating myself. I practice on my own as often as I can, but it’s just not the same. It’s like practicing your jump shot without a hand in your face. Just not as tough as when the pressure’s on. I also watch hundreds of hours of porn. But that doesn’t do the trick either since I’ve always been more of a hands-on learner. I never picked up much in lecture halls, but when we rolled up the sleeves and learned by doing I was a sponge. So that’s why this school is perfect for me, and that’s why I think I should head to Austria in order to step my game up. If that means I have to suck it up and partake in bunga bunga study parties every night of the week… well… as a dedicated family man, those are the types of sacrifices I’m willing to make.

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