[Weird News] Two trailer park residents in Dayton, Ohio are going to be battling this out in court over the next few months. Tattoo artist, Ryan L. Fitzjerald was hit with a $100,000 lawsuit last week by his ex-girlfriend Rossie Brovent. She claims that her boyfriend was supposed to tattoo a scene from Narnia on her back but instead tattooed an image of a pile of excrement with flies buzzing around it. Apparently Ryan found out that she had cheated with a long-time friend of his and this was his way of getting even. Originally Rossie tried to have Ryan charged with assault but it turns out this crafty tattoo artist got her to sign a consent form prior to the tattoo and it said that the design was ‘at the artists discretion’, she claims; “he tricked her by drinking a bottle of cheap wine with me and doing tequila shots before I signed it and got the tattoo”. “Actually I was passed out for most of the time, and woke up to this horrible image on my back.”
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a loser. Embarrassing as it is, I don’t know a single god damn thing about Narnia. I think it’s where Harry Potter hid the rings from the hobbits, right? Whatever. When you’re done laughing at me, let’s put together some logic here – because Narnia’s nothing without sensibility. What’s in Narnia? A witch & a wardrobe, as the title of a book I was apparently supposed to have read at some point in my scholastic career but didn’t suggests. Wait what else? A lion too? Well I’ll be damned. Anyone who knows anything knows where there’s a lion, there’s a steaming pile of dung nearby with bugs swarming around it. I don’t give a shit how mythical your fantasy land is – excrement exists everywhere. So farbeit from me or a jury to deny that Rossie’s back piece isn’t a scene from Narnia. Quite frankly, that’s a magical pile. This is nothing more than typical broad bullshit. Bitch can’t make up her mind on a landscape so she leaves it up to her man, only to have a tantrum about his decision afterwards. Artist’s discretion is a motherfucker, especially when the artist is your boyfriend whose friends you’re fucking.
P.S. – Hey cunt, there’s no such thing as ‘cheap wine’ when you shack up in a trailer park.