[Chicago] A teacher at a suburban Christian school has been charged with a felony, after he was fired for allegedly masturbating behind a podium while teaching class. As CBS 2′s Dana Kozlov reports, Schaumburg police said he might have been doing it for the past 10 years or more. Paul LaDuke, 75, has been charged with sexual exploitation of a child. LaDuke has been a math teacher at the school for 26 years. On Friday, a student at Schaumburg Christian School reported to another teacher that LaDuke appeared to be masturbating while seated at his podium during class. The teacher notified the school administration, which launched an internal investigation. LaDuke was fired on Friday and, on Monday, school officials contacted Schaumburg police. Detectives interviewed several students and LaDuke was arrested on Monday. Investigators determined that, while seated at a podium in class on Friday, LaDuke unzipped and lowered his pants and masturbated while students were present in the classroom. Police said there is no evidence that LaDuke touched any students in an inappropriate manner or harmed them physically.
Who is this rat? Hey bitch why are you hawking this dude’s junk while in class? Does he stare down your tits as he teaches? Well…OK so maybe that’s what he’s beating off to. Or maybe he’s getting his stroke on because some slut student keeps eyeballing his cock. Classic ‘chicken or the egg’ scenario here. Regardless of the cause, though, one fact you can extract from this alleged masturbatory maestro is that being an old man is a motherfucker. It’s not like you can stroll into a hospice and find a cute silver fox to lay the pipe to. Your wife’s probably dead. Middle-aged cougars don’t like you, social security can’t afford a hooker…not exactly drowning in options. The only two types of people who like you are yourself and children…and we’ve recently learned, thanks to Penn State, that you can’t touch kids. Now apparently you can’t touch yourself either? Ain’t that a bitch?
Got no one else to blame but yourself though, Paul. I mean you’ve been dropping loads all over the podium for 10 years. You obviously had a solid system. But instead of sticking to it, you got complacent and sloppy. Pull your dick out the zipper hole. Make sure you’re positioned properly behind the podium. Avoid any facial expressions. Slow & steady pace. You can’t just drop trou & rub one out like a monkey on speed in the middle of class. You’re better than that.