Bear Preps For Hibernation By Breaking Into A Candy Store And Stuffing His Fat Face

Posted: October 24 @ 5:00pm by scrody in Bolivian
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[Breitbart] GATLINBURG, Tenn. (AP) – A bear has feasted on pecan logs, caramel apples and other treats at a candy store in the Smoky Mountains resort town Gatlinburg, Tenn. Employees reporting for work found the bear Wednesday morning at the Ole Smoky Candy Kitchen, where the animal apparently had knocked a hole in a glass front door to enter, according to The Mountain Press ( http://bit.ly/orYRBH). Police propped open several back doors and made loud noises, and the bear ran into the woods. The animal had spread candy on the floor, and wrappers and packaging were strewn throughout a back storeroom. Pecan logs had been chewed and chunks were missing out of caramel apples. Bob Miller of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park said bears are active this time of year, searching for food before hibernation.

Well get a load of this fat fuck bear. I’m kind of jealous to be honest. This furry fella gets to stuff his face with an obnoxious amount of free junk food and then nod off for the entire winter. Ain’t that the life? It’s a good thing these lazy bastards sleep for months at a time too. That’s pretty much the only thing stopping them from taking over the world. You’re crazy if you think this cub didn’t get back to its den and start bragging to all his bear homies about his find. Just like an alcoholic coming back from a liquid lunch, the bear’s breath probably still wreaked of sour patch kids and all his bear friends were like, “Hey bear, where’d you get those sour patch kids”. Then he started telling them all about his candy store raid, the whole time his fur’s got caramel all stuck in it. Sloppy ass bear. I remember my first candy apple too. The only thing stopping the entire posse from heading to town for some swedish fish and peanut butter cups is that they’re so tired. By the time spring rolls around, they’ll forget all about it. I’m sure when you’ve been unconscious for a few months, all you can think about when you wake up is getting your nose stuck in a different kind of honey pot. They’ll be all caught up hunting down bear tail and forget all about the candy store heist. Lucky for us humans.
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