[Sweden] A 23-year-old man has been charged with rape in Karlskrona, after Rapports Opus, southern Sweden’s only police dog specialised in sniffing sperm, caught a whiff of his case. The charges against the man state that in the beginning of June he threatened and physically forced a woman to perform oral sex on him in a Karlskrona park, reported regional newspaper Sydöstran. The evidence against him is heavy. On top of a medical certificate testifying to bodily damage, witnesses who’ve spoken with both the victim and the accused, as well as a witness who overheard the act, the prosecutor has one more ace up his sleeve in the form of the sperm-sniffing police dog’s forensic investigation. The dog found traces of semen on the scene of the crime and after being sent for analysis these were found to match the 23-year-old’s DNA. Rapports Opus underwent a year’s training in order to reach his exalted position as the sole sperm-sniffing dog of the region. “He’s the only dog in southern Sweden specialised in tracking sperm,” said B-G Carlsson, the police officer who trained the dog, to Sydöstran.
No no no no no no no no no!! What the motherfuck???? Listen, if you’re one of those weirdos who wants to put cottage cheese on your sack and have your dog lick it off – OK whatever, at least the pup’s taste buds are getting a treat. You wanna make love to Fido? Gross, but if you’re gentle and use protection who am I to judge? But under no circumstances is it OK to subject man’s best friend to a retarded name like ‘Rapports Opus’. One word, asshole. You’re not writing a play, Shakespeare, you’re naming a dog so cut the shit.
Oh and stop jizzing up his nostrils too, Officer Carlsson. There’s canine training and then there’s money shots. Never should those two worlds collide.