Check Out This Old Bitch And Her 100 Year Old Checkbook

Posted: June 6 @ 9:30am by keystoned in Bolivian

[Yahoo] An Ohio woman who just turned 100 years old has taken customer loyalty to the extreme: She’s still using a bank savings account that’s been around almost as long as she has, since the year before World War I. June Gregg recently mentioned to a friend that her account is the same one her father opened for her in January 1913, when she wasn’t even a year-and-a-half old. The friend told the people at Gregg’s small-town bank in southern Ohio. “That perked my ears up, because I was like, `1913?!'” said Doug Shoemaker, general manager of what’s now a Huntington National Bank branch in this community, 45 miles south of Columbus. The bank’s investigation found out that not only was it the same account, but also that the account number changed only once, when Columbus-based Huntington acquired the plainly-named Savings Bank in the early 1980s, Shoemaker said. Gregg still has the little blue passbook from when the account was opened with an initial deposit of $6.11. Her father, Gilbert, a farmer who grew corn, wheat and hay, was a Savings Bank customer and wanted his only daughter to learn thrift. With the help of the account, Gregg is comfortable in retirement even after so many years, Shoemaker said. “I get along good because I don’t have many wants,” said Gregg, who never married and has no children.

If I ever live to be a hundred years old, I want one of my grandkids or great-grandkids to take me out back behind the tool shed and double tap in the skull. Seriously, when dogs get too old, people feel the need to take them to the vet and put them down, why don’t t they do that with people? Does that sound inhumane?  Yeah, maybe, but have you seen what these old people have been doing? They’re soaking up the limelight, getting as much airtime as possible. Once you hit triple-digits, you’re a fucking celebrity and you can’t even make it to take a piss. Everyone wants to know about your old shit; your old clothes, your old pictures, even your old fucking savings account you opened when you were 8 years old so you could put in all the nickels and pennies you found roaming the streets when the stock market crashed and you just wanted to get out of your Hooverville. I don’t know why these old people are so goddamn insteresting that they have to be national news. My oldest grandparents are either dead or they can’t remember pants before socks in the morning, so why aren’t they on the news? It’s bullshit if you ask me. In 80 years, I’m going to be blowing out 100 candles and my kids will have kids, and those kids will be sexting dick pics on their 12G networks and cars will be flying and I’ll probably have some vacation house on the moon and it’s still going to be a fucking chore to get a handy under the sheets from my wife. But seriously Glades, take all that spare change you’ve been saving in Mason jars for the last 90 years and buy yourself an Breakfast Roundup at Friendly’s or something.

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Comments
  1. steveo says:

    She only reached 100 because she never got married or had kids. They are what kills you. Not too many donuts on national donut day or bacon wrapped hot dogs or cancer or any of the reasons why scrody is fat. Wives and kids… Fuck, I’m halfway dead and nowhere near 50.

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