National Post – A second military court martial is being convened against a Canadian Forces seaman accused of disgraceful conduct after a prank involving a glass of milk and a sailor’s penis. The unusual case happened aboard the HMCS Nanaimo when the coastal defence vessel was visiting Seattle in 2009. A leading seaman in the ship’s mess poured the last of the chocolate milk; mess protocol dictates he refill it. Master Seamen W.L. Boyle told him to refill it and the sailor of a slightly lesser rank said he would do it after lunch. An argument ensued and the junior sailor left, presumably to get fresh milk. While he was gone, MS Boyle took the glass of milk, unzipped his overalls and, according to one witness, inserted his penis into the drink, swirled it around and returned the glass to the table. The sailor was warned by a shipmate not to drink it. MS Boyle was charged with disgraceful conduct and conduct to the prejudice of good order and discipline, under the National Defence Act, which he was found not guilty of almost a year later. The military appealed, however, and won a retrial on the disgraceful conduct count. But the most surprising aspect of the case may be that the military has taken it so far. “The whole thing is just silly,” said Jack Granatstein, a military historian and research fellow at the Canadian Defence and Foreign Affairs Institute. “Why is the government wasting all of this time on two courts martial and appeals, spending literally thousands of dollars, for a minor, stupid prank?” What exactly MS Boyle did to the milk remains in dispute; after taking the glass, he turned his back to most sailors in the Junior Ranks Mess. He testified at his hearing at Canadian Forces Base Esquimalt, home to the Canadian Pacific Naval Fleet, that he only pretended to soil the milk. “The accused testified he wiggled his torso to give the appearance of him inserting his penis into the glass and swirling it around, but he did not actually do so,” says the appeal ruling. The commander presiding over the original hearing wrote that he needed to decide if the conduct was “shockingly unacceptable” but then declared that “the conduct of the accused is not shockingly acceptable,” perhaps a typo misplacing the “un” prefix. The military appealed the verdict. The court martial appeals court agreed the decision “is unclear,” among other deficiencies. “The judge failed to decide the key issue in the case: whether, on the evidence before him, the accused put his penis into [the sailor’s] glass,” the verdict says.
Fucking Canada. He didn’t drink the peepee milk, right? I’m no Judge Judy but I’m pretty sure that’s case closed. Even if he did, what’s the big deal? The FDA permits a small amount of maggots, mold, rat shit, etc. in our food & we don’t hesitate feeding our fat faces. But some jokester tries to contaminate a milk mustache with a hint of penis dribble and…oh wait…wait a god damn minute. Was this dude cut? Because that changes everything. Tossing your filthy, lint-infested anteater in someone’s drink is an offense that should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. No doubt some unsanitary shit is stuck under the sheath. Or was. I’m sure swirling your uncircumcised dong in some moo juice left enough shrapnel floating around to rival underneath a frat house couch cushion. “The whole thing is just silly”, huh? Then you drink it, Jack Granatstein. Don’t choke on the cock crust. As for MS Boyle -wiggling your torso, shaking loose all your foreskin debris…you’re fucking disgusting bro.
Unless you’re cut. Then it’s no big deal. Not gonna ruin my milk.