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[York Dispatch]  A York County couple not only couldn’t agree on which “American Idol” contestant was going to win the reality singing contest last week but also couldn’t agree on who stabbed whom first. As Karen Elaine Harrelson, 48, and Gregory L. Stambaugh, 57, were watching “American Idol” in the basement of Stambaugh’s home, the two got into an drunken argument over which contestant should win the season’s title. So one of them went to the kitchen, got a knife and stabbed the other. Whoever was stabbed first then took hold of the knife and stabbed the other. Both Harrelson and Stambaugh told police the other one got a knife and struck first.

He said: Officer Matt Emig found Harrelson, who had blood on her arms and clothing, standing outside the home. An argumentative Stambaugh came out of the house and yelled about “how police don’t give a fuck about the girls” and “only arrest the guys”. He was taken into custody and told officers that he had been stabbed in his left forearm. Stambaugh told police that Harrelson went upstairs to the kitchen, got a knife, returned to the basement and stabbed him. He said she then went back to the main floor and Stambaugh followed her and got the knife away from her. Harrelson suffered cuts to her right wrist and two left fingers as they struggled for the knife.

She said: Harrelson’s version of what happened is slightly different. She told police she went to the kitchen and got a knife to cut a piece of cake when Stambaugh, who followed her upstairs, used a second knife to cut her wrist and also hit her head with his hand and threw her down. Harrelson said she stabbed Stambaugh with the knife she had and then called 911. Both Harrelson and Stambaugh told police they been drinking, with Stambaugh adding that Harrelson started drinking beer and tequila at 5 a.m. and that he joined in at noon by drinking beer and a pint of scotch.

Was there anyone more pumped for the American Idol finale than these two motherfuckers? You can’t really go much harder at pregaming than Karen & Gregory. But there is a subtle difference that sheds a little light onto their characters. Read the rest of this entry »

[iSports Times]  A high-schooler named Michael Strem has thrown a 66-pitch perfect game. According to the San Jose Mercury News, Strem’s perfect game was the first in his school’s history. It came during the top-seeded St. Francis Lancers’ first-round matchup versus No. 16 seed Monta Vista in the California Interscholastic Federation Central Coast Section Division I playoffs. The St. Francis Lancers ultimately won the contest when Mark Cardinalli hit a two-run single in the sixth inning. Even more impressively, this 66-pitch perfect game included 48 strikes. Thus, Strem averaged just over three pitches per batter, finishing the contest with eight strikeouts. While this is the first 66-pitch perfect game of Strem’s career, he has been dominant at the high school level this season. Per MaxPreps.com, the pitcher is 10-1 in 13 appearances with a 1.12 ERA. He also has a .400 batting average with 40 hits and 17 runs batted in. Per NESN, he has already committed to Boston College.

Hey Michael Strem, you might be pulling in an endless amount of high school trim with your bullshit perfect game, but you’re not impressing me. 7 innings? Read the rest of this entry »

[Stock Island]  A Stock Island man was arrested, charged with cutting another man with a knife in a dispute over a woman. The victim said he and a man he only knows as  “worm” got into a fight over a woman they both had dated. He said he was originally dating her, then she left him for “worm”. After staying with “worm” for a while, she returned to the victim. He said on Saturday morning, he was on his boat in Boca Chica Channel when “worm” went by in a dinghy yelling profanities. When “worm” got to the Key Haven boat ramp, he threw the victim’s moped into the water. The victim went to the boat ramp to confront “worm” and a fight ensued. “Worm” pulled out a knife and slashed the victim, cutting his arm. Deputy Kim Trullender was dispatched to reports of a fight at the boat ramp at 10:45 a.m. He found no one there, but a short time later he found the victim at the Tom Thumb store on Stock Island. He was taken to the hospital for treatment of his injury. He told Deputy Trullender what happened. Jeffery “Worm” Ballard was found by Deputy Joe Cortner walking on College Road at 1:15 a.m. He had blood on his face and head, and told the deputy he’d been beaten up by the victim of the earlier fight. He was arrested and charged with aggravated battery.

Anyone nicknamed “Worm” is obviously a sketchy motherfucker. But they’ve also proven to be wise. Worms have taught me how to respect my money…   Read the rest of this entry »

[Examiner]  Most high school seniors are excitedly preparing to put on their cap and gown and looking forward to the future right now. Kaitlyn Hunt, 18, is instead fighting bigotry and hoping she won’t be forced to go to jail instead of college. Her crime? Dating another female student. Kaitlyn’s family took her story public on May 17th, via Facebook.  Hunt was a highly respected student at Florida’s Sebastian River High School with good grades and participation in cheerleading, basketball and chorus. She was even voted “most school spirit.” All of that changed when she started dating a girl she met on the basketball team. According to Kaitlyn’s father, Steven R. Hunt, Jr., his daughter was dropped from the basketball team because the coach feared a same-sex relationship would bring unwanted “drama.” Then the family was shocked when police came to their home in February to arrest Kaitlyn. She was charged with two felony counts of lewd and lascivious battery on a child 12 – 16 years of age. Kaitlyn was 18 and her 15-year-old girlfriend’s parents pressed charges. The girl’s family petitioned the school board and got Katilyn expelled from school, weeks before graduation.

Hunt’s mother, Kelley Hunt Smith explained, “They are out to destroy my daughter, because they feel like she ‘made’ their daughter gay. They see being gay as wrong and they blame my daughter. Of course, I see it 100% differently. I don’t see or label these girls as gay. They are teenagers in high school experimenting with their sexuality – with mutual consent. Even if their daughter is gay, who cares? She’s still their daughter.”

Well there’s obviously no other explanation. The 15 year old’s parents are simply out to get this K. Hunt because she’s a lesbo. Couldn’t have anything to do with not wanting their underage daughter’s beanbag getting tongue-darted by an adult of any orientation. Read the rest of this entry »

[Fox News]  First milk, butter, coffee and cornmeal ran short. Now Venezuela is running out of the most basic of necessities — toilet paper. Blaming political opponents for the shortfall, as it does for other shortages, the embattled socialist government says it will import 50 million rolls to boost supplies. That was little comfort to consumers struggling to find toilet paper on Wednesday. “This is the last straw,” said Manuel Fagundes, a shopper hunting for tissue in downtown Caracas. “I’m 71 years old and this is the first time I’ve seen this.” One supermarket visited by The Associated Press in the capital on Wednesday was out of toilet paper. Another had just received a fresh batch, and it quickly filled up with shoppers as the word spread. “I’ve been looking for it for two weeks,” said Cristina Ramos. “I was told that they had some here and now I’m in line.”

For as destitute as a city like Detroit and it’s “Will Work For Crack” program seems, Motown might as well be Beverly Hills compared to Venezuela. I mean if this isn’t the decision-maker in folding a country, I don’t know what is. Read the rest of this entry »

[Oregon Live]  TriMet transit police arrested Jared Weston Walter, 26, about 4:30 p.m. Monday as he waited for a bus in downtown Portland. At about 7 a.m. that day, Walter had ejaculated into the hair of a bus passenger. They believe he’s attacked two other women in the same way in the last three weeks and that there may be other victims. “At the time of those first two reports, the victims were unsure as to what had transpired, and the seriousness of the offense was not understood,” Sgt. Pete Simpson said in a news release. But Monday, the woman realized what had just occurred and reported it. Police pulled video from the bus and spotted a man in the act, and collected DNA evidence from her hair. Investigators familiar with Walter’s hair-cutting cases were able to identify him. That led transit police to stake out the bus route that Walter was believed to frequent and make the arrest. Walter was sentenced to a little more than two years in prison in June 2010 after being charged with cutting and super-gluing the hair of various women. He also was serving time for burglary and identity theft charges. He was released from prison less than two months ago.

I’m not above taking public transportation. Trains, anyway. I’m obviously above anyone who has to take the bus. Still, anyone who knows anything knows you’re getting DNA all over you if you’re riding either. Hold a blacklight to your average city commuter when they get to work and it’ll look like they went paintballing. Read the rest of this entry »

[Sydney]  A man tried to extort money from a Sydney mechanic he blamed for losing his Mercedes-Benz by threatening him with a large black sex toy. Aaron Sabbah was armed during an attempt to demand money from Michael Monajed, Sydney’s Central Local Court was told during a bail application on Friday. “What is the alleged arm?” Magistrate Eve Wynhausen asked. “It’s a black dildo, your honour,” prosecutor Christian Hearn said. Mr Sabbah arrived at Mr Monajed’s workshop on April 22. “Sabbah … entered the workshop in an intimidating manner with a large black dildo in his right hand, which he was smacking into his left hand continually in an aggressive and threatening manner,” the documents state. The 39-year-old’s $167,000 Mercedes-Benz had been repossessed in January after he defaulted on a loan. A week later Mr Sabbah allegedly drove the repossessed vehicle away from the car yard where it was being held and took it to Mr Monajed’s Botany workshop to have the brakes replaced. The next day police spotted Mr Monajed driving the stolen car. They took back the car and released the mechanic without charge. In the meantime, Mr Sabbah, who was overseas, allegedly rang the mechanic and demanded $10,000 that he estimated was the outstanding loan amount, which turned out to be $112,000. “You are responsible for losing my car,” court documents allege Sabbah said. Over the next few weeks Sabbah upped his demand to $30,000 and made threats of violence. After allegedly being threatened with the dildo on April 22, Mr Monajed fled the premises and contacted police.

Makes you wonder what took so long for fake dongs to become a weapon of choice. If you want to have your threats taken seriously without the risk of a “deadly weapon” charge, why not a monster dildo? Read the rest of this entry »